The Wizard of Cruxis
by Holy Spork
Summary: AU. Crossover. Crack. Colette, her dog, and her friends are off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Cruxis!
1. A Short Introduction

Following an old tradition of mine, though I have two major stories and a collab that need updating, I ended up starting something new instead

Please forgive me.

Though I may sound sane as I write thing, I assure you the story is not. It's totally, completely, 10,000,007 percent pure CRACK! So if that kind of stuff bothers you, I'd advise you to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. For those who remain, keep that in mind as you read, because nothing, NOTHING, is going to be taken seriously.

In case the summary didn't give it away, this is a crossover with Symphonia and the Wizard of Oz. I know this first chapter is ridiculously short, but I just wanted to post just a small introduction to see what people's reaction would be. If the response is good, and I don't have a sudden depressive mood swing, I'll keep writing it. If the response isn't good, I'll delete this and spend a week hiding under a rock in shame.

**Edit**: Changed title to 'The Wizard of Cruxis' because I decided that the original title sucked.

I must be insane to be _actually_ posting this thing...

Disclaimer: If it isn't obvious that I own neither the Wizard of Oz or Tales of Symphonia... then I pity you. Foo'.

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_The Wizard of Cruxis_

Chapter 1: A Brief Introduction

It was a bright sunny day, clearly without any ominous and plot-related tornadoes anywhere. The heroine of the story is found singing brightly to the world.

"Tra la la la la!"

Colette skipped down the dirt road, swinging her arms and singing. By her side, her faithful pet, Noishe, trotted. Noishe, despite his big ears and proximity to his mistress, tried to shut out the sound of her voice.

"Tra la la la la!"

Noishe would always be loyal to Colette, who he had known since she was born, but she needed to get some voice lessons.

"Tra la la – Look Noishe! It's home!"

She pointed melodramatically at a little farm that could probably be completely flattened by a slight breeze. This was, of course, not an indication of any possible future events at all. Nuh-uh. No foreshadowing there. Colette skipped up to the farmhouse, were an old lady was sweeping the porch. Noishe followed Colette.

"Grandma, I'm home!"

The old lady, Phaidra, looked up. She smiled at her granddaughter. "Welcome home, Colette," said Phaidra. "How was your day?"

"It was wonderful, Grandma!" chirped Colette. "I got a gold star in class today, and I ate an apple, and we learned some math stuff, and – "

Noishe whined and stomped a foot.

"Oh, and Miss FootBath wants to put Noishe down because she's mean!"

Noishe rolled his eyes, how could Colette have forgotten about that? First the girl had bawled her eyes out because the mean lady - their neighbor who they had encountered on the walk home from school - threatened her dog. Sure, Noishe _had _taken care of some business in the neighbor's otherwise pristine lawn... but that wasn't the point. The point was, the neighbor threatened to give Noishe to animal control, and Colette cried rivers. Then she saw a butterfly, and everything was fine! Noishe whined mournfully. What did a dog have to do to be noticed? Wasn't he appreciated? Noishe could tell that he would need to see his therapist again soon.

"...I thought the neighbor's name was 'Miss Fujibayashi'?" said Phaidra.

"That's what I said," said Colette. "Aren't you gonna do something about it Grandma?"

"Nah," said Phaidra. She narrowed her eyes. "I never did like that dog."

Noishe and Phaidra had an intense staring competition. Colette didn't seem to notice.

"Okay then!" Colette skipped off. Noishe followed her, after sticking his tongue out at the old lady.

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**A/N:** I know Dorothy lived with her aunt and uncle, not her grandmother, but I like it this way better.

If you thought that wasn't too atrocious, CLAP YOUR HANDS!

...And/or review.


	2. More Introductions

...Guess what? That depressive mood swing came, but writing this made me feel better for some reason.

I just realized this is the first story where I've used Arabic numerals rather than Roman numerals to number chapters.

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Chapter 2: More Introductions

Colette found some more miscellaneous people to talk at. They were in the middle of something.

"OW! DAD!"

"Sorry Lloyd."

"Hi!"

Colette walked up to the group who were standing around a tractor that seemed to be broken. One of the group was clutching their head.

"I did tell you to get out from under it," said a man with auburn hair that stuck up at every angle possible and many that were impossible.

"Yeah... well..." pouted a brown-haired boy. His hair just stuck up at _one_ impossible angle. He still had much to learn.

"Hi Kratos! Hi Lloyd!" said Colette, waving her arm, Noishe trotting behind. "How are you two?"

"Hey! What about me and Presea?"

Colette looked down at a silver-haired midget and an equally tiny pink-haired girl.

"Sorry Genis, I didn't see you down there," apologized Colette. "I'm sorry."

"You said sorry twice."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"...Nevermind."

Noishe whined.

"Oh, Miss FujiFilm was mean to Noishe!" said Colette, with resolute indignity.

"Perhaps if you trained him to leave her lawn alone," Kratos the Sane One started. "Then she might, in turn, leave you and Noishe alone."

"But she's _mean_!"

"..."

Kratos knew Colette well enough to give up.

Colette, growing bored, wandered off. Specifically, she wandered back into the house, presumably to do some kind of homework type thing.

That was, until the doorbell rang.

When Colette and Noishe went to investigate, they saw the last person they wanted to meet that day.

The mean neighbor lady was standing at the door, a basket under her arm. There was a crash of thunder and a flash of lightning as she walked inside the house.

"Oh, Miss Fujibayashi," said Phaidra politely. Colette swore she heard the horses outside whinny. "How nice of you to come over."

Miss Fujibayashi looked like the kind of woman who could have the male population of any given area eating out of her hand. She had the proportions for it, but not, obviously, the personality.

"I've come for the fleabag," she said severely.

Noishe endeavored to become invisible. He did this by closing his eyes.

"NEVER!" cried Colette, wrapping her arms tightly around her pet.

"He's a public nuisance!" Miss Fujibayashi pointed an accusing finger at the green dog.

"NOOOOO!" Colette yelled.

"Just be a good girl and give the nice neighbor lady the annoying dog," said Phaidra, not helping at all.

Miss Fujibayashi grabbed Noishe by a large ear and started to drag him away, the dog whining piteously, and Colette sobbing hysterically. She dragged him out to where she had left her bike. Miss Fujibayashi then tried to shove Noishe into her tiny basket. As Noishe wasn't a small black dog, but rather a large, green, vaguely canine critter, she gave up, and tried to make him sit on her bike instead. She tried to peddle away, but Noishe just fell off the bike and landed on the ground, on all four paws, apparently without attracting Miss Fujibayashi's notice. He trotted over to Colette, who had gone outside to wave goodbye to her pet, panting happily.

"Oh Noishe!" cried Colette, wrapping her arms around her faithful pet. "You're all right!"

Noishe gagged.

"We must run away, to where no mean ladies can ever take you away ever again!" Colette proclaimed. But, as if a higher power thought this would be a waste of time, Colette spotted something else that held her attention.

"Neat! I found a quarter!"

Noishe whined.

And then came the deadly swirly tornado of **DEATH**.

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**A/N:** Time to go and work on one of my _real_ stories now...

Please review.


	3. The Deadly Swirly Tornado of DEATH

Back again.

I need to either post a chapter for a real story, or make these longer.

If you catch the obscure reference in this chapter I'll give you an imaginary cookie.

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Chapter 3: The Deadly Swirly Tornado of **DEATH**

It was deadly.

It was swirly.

It was a tornado that viciously ripped apart anything in its path.

If the tornado had a mouth and vocal chords, it would probably cackle.

Everyone on the farm had the sense to already be underground by now, and they probably locked the entrance to whatever concrete bunker they were in. They forgot Colette, who was enjoying the view.

The deadly swirly tornado of **DEATH** was nearing the farmhouse with every passing second.

"Oooh! Look Noishe!" said Colette, as deadly debris started to fly around her. "Look at the pretty cloud!"

Noishe grabbed her sleeve in his teeth and started pulling her toward the farmhouse. She followed him like a sheep. They hid in Colette' bedroom. Colette sat on the bed, singing 'Somewhere Over the Raine-bow' while Noishe tried to squeeze under the bed.

Then the wooden frame for the window shattered, wood planks flying into the house... and one of them conveniently hit Colette on the head.

"Hehehe... pretty lights..."

She collapsed.

When she woke up, the house was rocking back and forth. Noishe was curled up in one corner, after discovering he couldn't fit under the bed, looking a little greener than usual for some strange reason. Colette stood up and walked to the broken window and looked outside, at the inside of the tornado. Their house had been lifted up off the ground, and had become a hacky sack for a deadly swirly tornado of **DEATH**.

"Look Noishe!" Colette pointed out the window. "There's a cow! And a piece of wood! And a kitty! And a teacup! And my homework! ...So that's where it went... Wow, it's really windy out there!"

Noishe rolled his eyes. Then Colette gasped, "Oh noes!" she cried. "It's Miss FujiApple!"

The lady was, in fact, apparently floating outside the detached house, still peddling her bike, despite the utter lack of anything for the bike to peddle on. Then, as Colette, watched, she morphed into a scantly-clad non-green and well-endowed witch on her well-trimmed broomstick. She would have had the entire male population of the planet drooling madly, were it not for the obligatory witch wart on her nose. Can't have an evil witch without a wart. The evil witch Sheena cackled (also a necessity for evil witches) before flying off.

"...That was weird," Colette said, her face scrunched up in concentration. "Where did that witch come from? Where did Miss FunYoshi go?"

Noishe covered his face with his paws, trying to bury the shame.

The house spun around in the tornado for a really long time ("It's like a carousel! WHEE!" proclaimed Colette, while Noishe tried not to be sick in a corner.) until finally with a loud _bang_ and what felt like an earthquake (and what could have been a faint "Ow."), the house finally landed... somewhere. As the house lacked GPS, they could've been anywhere.

"We've landed!" proclaimed Miss Obvious. "I wonder where we are? Do you think we've made it to Mars? Do you think we'll get to meet little green men? Do you think we'll get to meet Marvin? Do you think we'll get to meet British cops from the 70's? _Is there life on Maaaars?_"

Noishe, ignoring Colette's singing, looked out one of the broken windows, trying to see if it was safe to leave the wreak of a building that would probably tip over if they breathed the wrong way.

"Let's go outside!"

Colette ran to the door, and before Noishe could stop her, she skipped outside. She stared in wide-eyed amazement at the things she found outside. There were houses that were shorter even that her! There were really weird plants growing everywhere! And the sky was purple! Noishe tentatively walked up next to her.

"Noishe..." Colette started, her eyes wide. "I don't think we're in Iselia anymore."


	4. We're Munchkins, Loser

Behold, I have returned!

...I can't think of anything else to say at the moment.

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Chapter 4: We're Munchkins, Loser

Colette was in awe. "It's all so shiny!"

Noishe had to agree with her. It was all very shiny.

One particular shiny floated over to them, expanded into a large pink bubble, then burst and revealed a tall woman with shiny wings and a wand with a sparkly star on the end.

"I'm Raine the Good Witch!" said the sparkly lady. "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

Colette blinked.

"You fell from the sky," Raine continued. "Implying you're a witch. Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

Raine the Good Witch pointed her stick at Colette, who realized just how pointy the sparkly star on the end was.

"...Er... I'm not a witch?" Colette hazarded.

Raine seemed okay with this answer, as she took the potentially deadly sparkly star away.

"Um... where are we?" Colette asked.

"Munchkintown in the land of Cruxis!" Raine said, smiling.

Colette had no idea what this meant, but was willing to go with it.

"It's okay!" Raine called to the town in general. "You can come out now!"

This was immediately followed by a loud chorus of, "what'd ya land on our town for, loser?"

Every bush and corner and cobblestone seemed to suddenly erupt with tiny people with pointy hats. They looked angry.

"Hi there little ones!" said Colette cheerfully, in the voice one would use to talk to very small children.

"We're Munchkins, loser!" snapped the nearest Munchkin. "You wanna fight?!"

"They're so cwute!" chirped Colette, picking up the nearest one and hugging it, while it writhed and cursed in her grip.

"Hey!" shouted a Munchkin near the ruins of Colette's house. "The loser landed on the Wicked Witch of the East!"

Everyone turned to the ruined house, and saw a pair of shoes sticking out from under the once-building.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry!" squeaked Colette. "I didn't mean to squish anybody!"

"THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!" cheered the Munchkins. "HIP-HIP-HOORAY FOR THE LOSER!"

"I'm not dead."

Colette and Noishe turned their heads and saw the witch standing near the ruined house, completely unscathed. She was a petite girl with pink pigtails. She seemed completely unperturbed by the house falling on her. She didn't look very evil either.

"THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!" cheered the Munchkins again. Then they started to sing a bright and sunny song about how the mean wicked witch was dead. This would be a highly disturbing imagine to anyone above the age of twelve with more than half a functioning brain.

"Aww... isn't that cute?" cooed Colette to Noishe. "They're singing!"

"SHUT UP!" roared the Good Witch

The Munchkins cowered in fear, with shy mutterings of, "yes ma'am."

Just in case this wasn't clear, the Munchkins are being intimidated by the Good Witch, after celebrating the 'death' of the evil witch.

This is called irony.

"...And they say I'm the wicked witch," the Not Dead Witch Presea said to no one in particular.

This was when, in a puff of evil red smoke, the Wicked Witch of the West Sheena, appeared. The Gnomettes - I mean, the Munchkins all screamed in terror and hid.

The Wicked Witch of the West Sheena looked from Colette, to Raine, and then to the house. Sheena rounded on Raine, who quietly pointed at finger at Colette behind the girl's back.

"YOU KILLED MY SISTER!" Sheena screamed at Colette.

"...I'm right here," said Presea the Not Dead Witch.

"Oh, well," said Sheena, recovering from her grief in record time. "I'll just get her ruby crystal and get out of Losertown."

Sheena approached the ruined home, but as soon as she bent down to pick up the shoes, they vanished with a pop. The Wicked Witch shrieked in anger, before rounding on Raine again. The Good Witch pointed at Colette again.

"YOU STOLE MY SISTER'S RUBY!" screamed the Wicked Witch at Colette.

It was only then that Colette realized the 'Ruby' had somehow attached itself to her neck.

For some reason Colette felt that footwear should be involved here, but didn't want to say anything in case it made her sound too Blonde.

The Wicked Witch Sheena ran up to Colette and made to grab the Ruby, but in a flash of light and a very loud _ZAP_ she was flung back with a loud curse.

"Ha-ha, you got RE-JEC-TED!" shouted the Munchkins from their hiding places.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Sheena, terrifying the Munchkins back into silence.

"As long as this girl hear is wearing it," Raine explained to Sheena. "You cannot touch the Cruxis Crystal - I mean, the Ruby."

Sheena fumed.

"I'll get you, my pretty!" the Wicked Witch Sheena sneered. "And your big dog too!"

Then she disappeared in another evil puff of red smoke. One would almost begin to suspect she had some ninja training in her past.

"That was scary..." Colette said. "I want to go home..."

"Home for you is up in the sky, right?" asked Raine the Good Witch. "Then the Wizard of Cruxis can send you home!"

"You mean he has a rocket that can take me back to Iselia?" Colette asked, filled with hope.

"What gave you that idea?" Raine asked. "Just follow the Yellow Brick Road over there," she pointed to a yellow brick road that Colette hadn't seen before. "And that'll take you to the Emerald City, where the Wizard lives!"

"Why can't you send me home?" Colette asked. "Aren't you magical?"

"DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!" shouted the Good Witch. "Now go down the Yellow Brick Road!"

"Um..." quavered Colette. "Okay."

Colette, with Noishe following close behind, walked to the very beginning of the road.

The Munchkins came out of their hiding places to come and watch.

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Loser!" shouted one of the Munchkins.

Colette took a step.

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road!" chanted another Munchkin.

As Colette began to follow the Yellow Brick Road, Noishe close behind, the Munchkins once more broke into song:

"_Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow, follow, follow ya loser!_"

And so Colette and Noishe went off to see the Wizard.

And Presea the Not Evil Witch of the East took off too, because being ignored became too boring.


	5. The Eternal Scarecrow

...Boo.

(It seems as I start to write again, I run out of ideas of what to put in author's notes...)

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Chapter 5: The Eternal Scarecrow

"Tra la la la la!"

Noishe sighed. They had been following the Yellow Brick Road for miles, and Colette didn't seem to get tired. His paws were aching, he was exhausted, but she just skipped along, fresh as a daisy. Maybe it was because she didn't have to carry the same mental baggage as everyone else in the universe.

Nothing interesting happened at all during that leg of the trip, at least not until they passed a corn field.

"Hey!" shouted a mysterious voice.

Colette and Noishe stopped walking and looked around for the source of the voice.

"Who could that have been?" Colette asked Noishe when they saw no one.

"Hey! Up here!"

Colette and Noishe looked up, and saw the source of the mysterious voice.

It was a scarecrow strapped to a pole in the middle of the cornfield.

"Hey!" called the scarecrow again. "Can you get me down?"

"Le gasp!" gasped Colette. "A talking scarecrow!"

"Um... please?" the scarecrow added, hoping this would help.

"Oh, sure!" Colette said. She went over to the pole and untied the scarecrow, who fell to the ground with a thud.

"Thanks!" Thanked the scarecrow as he got to his feet.

"I'm Colette!" Introduced Colette. She waved an arm at Noishe. "And this is my dog, Noishe." Noishe barked. "Who are you?"

"Who are you to ask for my name?" Challenged the scarecrow.

"Um... Colette?"

"That works. I'm Lloyd the Scarecrow! So, where're you off to?"

"I'm going to see the Wizard of Cruxis, so he can send me home!"

"You're going to go see the Wizard?" Gasped Lloyd the Scarecrow. "Can I come too? I want to ask him if he can give me a brain."

Noishe wondered vaguely what a straw boy would do if he were handed a very delicate, wet, and above all, squishy internal organ. It wasn't as if the scarecrow had anywhere to put the thing.

Colette blinked. "Why do you need a brain?"

"You see, I'm made of straw," said the scarecrow Lloyd, poking a straw arm to illustrate his point. "So I got no brain. So I'm dumb." Then he shouted, "_IF ONE SWORD EQUALS 100, THEN TWO SWORDS EQUALS 200!"_ He looked back at Colette. "See? There are rocks out there that are smarter than me! The only degree I'll ever have will be in Ways To Be Stupid! So I want to ask the Wizard if I can have a brain!"

Then, as if the Laws of This Universe dictated that he do so, he broke out into song:

"_I'd do my multiplication, or maybe save the world... If I only had a brain!"_

"Oh, of course you can come along!" said Colette, who had no fear of strangers, even straw ones. "I'm sure if the Wizard can get me home, he can get you a brain!"

"YAY!" shouted Lloyd the Scarecrow.

The two skipped off down the Yellow Brick Road, arm in arm, singing off-key all the way.

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A/N: I'll update a real story next. I promise.


	6. The Emo Tin Man

Hm... I don't like this chapter as much as the others, but I think it has its good points. (Meaning I'm too lazy to rewrite it a dozen times.)

* * *

Chapter 6: The Emo Tin Man

"_Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road!_" chorused Colette and Lloyd the Scarecrow, as they skipped down said road, still arm in arm. They were very much kindred spirits, Noishe discovered, his poor ears almost bleeding.

On this particular part of the journey, nothing interesting happened until they crossed a small patch of trees. There they saw a figure standing among the trees, immobile. When the three walked closer, they realized it was a man made of metal... a tin man. Someone had glued a mass of spiky red yarn to the tin man's head.

The Lloyd the Scarecrow gasped. "Dad!"

The Tin Man made a distressed sort of noise.

"He's rusted up!" Lloyd the Scarecrow said. "He can't move!"

"How do we help him?" Colette asked.

"There should be a can of oil around here somewhere..." Lloyd said, searching the nearby undergrowth.

"Does it look like this?" Colette asked, holding something up.

"Yeah, that's it!" said Lloyd.

Colette looked down at the glass bottle in her hand and read the label.

"Why vegetable oil?" Colette asked.

"Because real oil costs too much," Lloyd explained.

Somewhere, a Spork knew she was going to hell for including a real-world joke.

The Tin Man tried to speak again, but the sound come out as an angry muffled "Mrmm!"

"Go ahead and dump it on him," Lloyd said. "And he'll un-rust."

Colette wasn't sure about this, but unscrewed the bottle cap and did as Lloyd instructed.

The Tin Man twitched.

"It's working!" cried Lloyd, in order to obey the law of Pointing Out The Obvious.

The Tin Man, now covered in vegetable oil, spoke clearly for the first time. "Was it truly necessary for you to use the entire bottle?"

Lloyd and Colette cheered.

It took the Tin Man several minutes to finally get all the oil off himself and out of his hair, thanks to a mysteriously acquired towel, which had been hiding under the same bush as the oil.

Then the Tin Man introduced himself.

"My name is Kratos," said the Tin Man to Colette. "I believe you have already met my son."

Kratos the Tin Man looked at Lloyd.

"It has been a long time..." said the Tin Man.

Lloyd beamed.

"DA-DAY!"

Lloyd the Scarecrow hugged Kratos the Tin Man, who looked embarrassed, and did not hug back.

"Aww..." aw'd Colette, who did not notice this latter fact. All she saw was the hugging.

Had Colette possessed any accurate understanding of biology, she probably would have wondered how and why a tin man had a scarecrow son, or what the mother could have possibly been. As things stood, she didn't have to worry about the horrifying possibilities.

Noishe, as the ignored dog of the group, wandered off to find something interesting to sniff or pee on.

Once the hugging was over, Kratos the Tin Man asked, "Where were you two going before you found me?"

"We were going to go see the Wizard of Cruxis!" said Colette. "A deadly swirly tornado of **DEATH** picked up my house and dumped me here, and a witch said that if I went to the Wizard, he could send me home!"

"And I was going with her to go see the Wizard, because I wanted a brain!" Lloyd added. "Dad, you know how thick I can be."

"...Indeed," acknowledged the Tin Man.

Lloyd the Scarecrow sniffed.

"May I accompany you on your journey?" Kratos asked. "I would also like to ask the Wizard for something."

Colette blinked. "What do you need?"

"A heart," said Kratos the Tin Man. "I am made of metal, so I lack a heart. I am incapable of human emotions. All I can do is stare blankly into the distance."

"He's right," said Lloyd. "Let's let him come, Colette! Then maybe, one day, he'll hug me too and we can act like we're related, and maybe he'll decide not to strand himself on... say... a giant comet because of his massive guilt complex."

This seemed to set something off in Kratos the Tin Man's head.

"IT'S TRUE!" wailed the Tin Man. "I'M A TERRIBLE FATHER! ANGST!!"

This strange behavior ceased as quickly as it stared, and Kratos returned to his default blank stare and stoic manner.

"This is why I need to see the Wizard," said Kratos, in his normal tone of voice. "So that I can have emotions."

Then that weird Law of This Universe kicked in again:

"_I'd be more of a dad, and less of a rock... If I only had a heart!"_

Colette frowned. "But just a moment ago, you were - "

"...A completely emotionless hunk of metal?" Kratos the Tin Man suggested in a flat monotone. A large segment of the general female population would at least agree on the 'hunk' part. Synonyms are great and terrible things.

"Um..." Colette hesitated. "...Okay."

"It's okay," Lloyd sniffed, hugging his unresponsive father again. "We'll get you a heart!"

It was around then that Noishe wandered back to find that nothing had changed.

* * *

**A/N:** Ugh... not a good chapter, overall. The next one, with the Cowardly Lion equivalent, should be awesome though.

Please review.


	7. The Cowardly Katz

Hello again.

...Meh.

* * *

Chapter 7: The Cowardly Katz

The three companions and their dog walked down the Yellow Brick Road. Lloyd and Colette continued singing, while Kratos and Noishe endeavored to ignore them.

Eventually they came to a guy with blue hair who was wearing handcuffs, either because he had committed some terrible sin in his past or because shackles were _totally _in this season. He was standing at the side of the road holding a large sign that read, "FOREST - THIS WAY" accompanied by a big red arrow.

This seemed to be his only purpose in life, holding a large and redundant sign, as all four companions could clearly see the forest ahead of them. It was as if a higher power couldn't think of anything better to do with him.

The four walked on without so much as glancing at the sign-holder.

Regal sniffed. "So alone..."

Meanwhile, our heroes were slowly and nervously walking through the forest. As they walked past the tall and slightly ominous trees, Lloyd grew nervous.

"This place gives me the creeps..." said Lloyd the Scarecrow, anxiously.

"I think it's pretty!" Colette chirped.

"But forests are supposed to be filled with lions and tigers!" Lloyd the Scarecrow gasped.

"...And bears," added Kratos the Tin Man for good measure.

"Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!" Colette gasped.

On cue, something pink leaped out of the trees and onto the road.

"RAWR!" it went. That is, it said 'rawr' in a loud voice rather than actually roaring.

The three companions and their dog stared.

"I'm a lion!" the thing 'rawr'd'. "Ph33r meh!"

"...But you're just a tiny kid in a pink kitty suit," said Lloyd the Scarecrow.

"No I'm not!" said the tiny kid in the pink kitty suit, starting to tremble. He was even wearing a yellow bandana around his neck. "I'm a terrible lion!"

"...Indeed," said Kratos the Tin Man.

"I'm warning you!" the pink kitty added, shaking.

Colette hugged the kitty. "YOU'RE SO CWUTE!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!" screamed the kitty. "LET ME GOOOOO!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Lion!" apologized Colette, releasing the kitty. "I didn't mean to scare you!"

"I'm Genis," sniffed the kitty-boy. "And I'm a Katz. I just wish I was a brave lion! Everything scares me! I'm even afraid of pickles!" The Katz broke into hysteric sobs, earning disdain from Kratos the Tin Man, a confused look from Lloyd the Scarecrow, and pity from Colette.

"...Pickles?" Lloyd asked.

"Y-yeah," Genis the Katz sniffed.

"For real?"

Genis the Kowardly Katz sobbed hysterically again. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE!"

"Maybe he can come us with us!" Colette said, turning to the Scarecrow and the Tin Man. "If the Wizard can send me home, give Lloyd and brain, and give Kratos a heart, maybe he can give Genis courage!"

Genis the Katz sniffed. "You're going to see the Wizard? The Wizard of Cruxis?"

"Yeah," said Lloyd, nodding.

"BUT I'M AFRAID OF HIM TOO!" cried Genis.

"You've met him?!" demanded Kratos, Lloyd, and Colette all at the same time.

Genis sniffed. "No," he said, "but I've heard stories." He looked up at Colette with hopeful blue eyes. "Do you really think the Wizard can make me brave?"

Then, once more, came the singing:

"_I want to be less of a pansy and a sissy kitty_... _If I only had the nerve_!"

"So you want to go to the Wizard so you can get a spine?" the Scarecrow asked.

"WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME?" sobbed Genis the Cowardly Katz.

"...I would interpret that as a yes," commented Kratos the Tin Man, dryly.

"Now I have even more friends!" chirped Colette, smiling brightly. "This vacation is so much fun!"

Then came the obligatory singing, _again_.

"_And now we're off to see the Wizard!_" Colette began.

"_The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"_ answered Lloyd the Scarecrow.

Then they all started singing, though they all seemed to be confused as to exactly what the melody was. Then they all skipped down the Yellow Brick Road, toward the Emerald City, and the (apparent) solution to all their problems, ever.

Noishe wondered when he would have a fun role again, and not just come it at the very end of every chapter.

* * *

A/N: Fun Fact: Originally, I was going to have Regal be the mayor of Munchkintown, but I tossed that idea out because I thought it was a bit too weird. And since all the other roles were filled, I had him as a random sign-holder.

Poor Regal.

Please review.


	8. The Field of Poppies

I have to admit that I haven't seen the Wizard of Oz (the movie) in ages, so I don't actually remember what happened in the field of poppies. (Which is weird, because do I remember that the flying monkeys all had fezes) So I just made some junk up.

* * *

Chapter 8: Field of Poppies

There was a dark field, with a black sky. In this dark field, which was covered with withered and dead trees, squatted a big scary castle.

This was the home of Sheena the Wicked Witch of the West.

Cue dramatic lightning and thunder.

Currently, Sheena was glowered down at a crystal ball, which showed four vaguely humanoid shapes and a big green blob skipping down the Yellow Brick Road.

To the Wicked Witch's right, there was a man with a pink vest, long red hair, black feathery wings, and, for some unknown reason, a fez, sitting on the window sill. He was grinning.

"Are they still giving you trouble, my voluptuous hunny?" Zelos the Flying Fez Monkey purred.

Sheena slapped him. This made him fall out of the open window... which was several stories above the ground. However, he just flew back up and sat down on the windowsill again, idiot grin still in place. He discovered long ago that this was easier than just standing around inside and being slapped, and then pounded into the very hard stone floor. Admittedly, this also meant he regularly fell out of windows.

Good thing he had wings, no?

"They're persistent little twerps..." the Witch muttered to herself as Zelos adjusted his fez. "How to get rid of them...?"

She squinted. Wait a moment... they were approaching the field of poppies.

She grinned.

"Hehehe..."

* * *

"Oh, wow!" Colette began, eyes wide. "That's a lot of flowers!"

"...Indeed," said Kratos the Tin Man.

There was a huge field of red poppies in front of them. They were all red and flowery.

"Isn't that the Emerald City?" Genis the Katz pointed at a shiny green blob on the other side of the field. "Isn't that where the Wizard is supposed to live?"

"Then what are we waiting for?" Lloyd the Scarecrow said with a grin. "Let's go!"

He sprinted out into the field, and was shortly followed by his friends.

As soon as our heroes reached the middle of the field, a weird black fog descended, as if a higher power couldn't remember what was supposed to actually go here.

"Weird..." Colette began, groggily, rubbing an eye. "I'm... really tired..."

She collapsed.

Genis yawned and lay down, and Noishe curled up in a big hair ball.

There was a lot of snoring.

"Colette, Noishe, and Genis all fainted!" Lloyd the Scarecrow gasped, hurrying frantically between the three unconscious individuals.

"NOOOOOO!" cried Kratos the Tin Man. "WHYYYY!?"

"Dad, stop being all emo for a moment and help me!" shouted Lloyd. "I think if we can drag these guys out of the field, then they'll wake up!"

The Scarecrow grabbed Colette and began dragging her away, while she muttered something about cowbells.

Then it started raining glitter, making the dark fog dissipate.

If any of them had bothered to look up, they would've seen Raine the Good Witch, her wings beating frantically, dumping out a bottle of sparkly stuff on our heroes, and muttering darkly to herself.

"...If I were a teacher, I'd give these morons an F."

Meanwhile, Colette, Noishe, and Genis the Katz woke up from their naps.

"...But why is the catnip gone?" Genis asked the universe in general.

"YAY!" Lloyd cheered. "You guys are all right!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Sheena the Wicked Witch glowered at her crystal ball.

"...Dang."

"Aw... do you need a hug, my darling hunny?"

_SMACK!_


End file.
